It's Enough to Give You the Blues

Even Blue Men Get the Babes.... (Blue Men Vs. Men Who Are Really Blue.....)


Did anyone see the Oprah show with the Blue Man? This is a man that ingested so much silver nitrate (was that the substance? or too much blue icing on birthday cake?) that he turned himself blue from the inside out. Dr. Oz said it was like he tattoed his body from inside out. Over time, given that he drank this chemical solution (for No Reason At All That I Could Discern, mind you, I missed the intro to the show) this guy just turned blue. Not like pale or gray around the gills but blue. Like...indigo- like..blue jeans. Like the Blue Man Group but no performance and entertainment. Just the skin tone. And also no group - just one blue man.

But here's the thing (if you can forget the part about how there was no real incentive to take this stuff in the first place -like who does things like that even if it does get you on Oprah?) - in the audience, was the Blue Man's fiance.
His fiance - the woman he will marry.

She met him as he was in the last shades of major blue and still went out with him. "Oh yes, she said, I had heard from his sister he was blue'.

Did it bother her?

Apparently not.

(Which also made me think that "List' I keep on the man of my dreams - are my standard too high wanting someone in an earth tone? Or conversely maybe I should write on the list: And make him a normal colour- no mauve or fushia men.)

Now they are engaged.

It made me think: even the Blue Man has a date for goodness sake. And he is getting married. Maybe the wedding will be on Oprah. And that "something borrowed, something blue" wedding refrain? I think he gets as by with the latter. It's covered.

But the thing is, Blue Man has an active romantic life.

The strangest thing I do lately is drink pulp free orange juice with Omega 3 and extra calcium. Now that - is neither going to get me on Oprah nor a fiance. Although, happily, I don't think I will be a vivid orange, too soon, either.

I have to say it: how can you not notice yourself turning blue!!!!!? I notice when the arch of my left eyebrow is a bit askew. Even Dr. Oz ran out of small talk. Not to mention, there are real people, with real stuff they didn't ask for, that maybe we could spend 60 minutes with and Dr. Oz could take a look-see. I mean, I'm just saying.

This is my 9th month of having no TV. (I gave the TV to my sons). So I have to borrow TV minutes here or there and truthfully, it's not really a sacrifice. In that time, I've read all of Jane Austen, figured out how to use my digital camera, and launched a few blogs. But you should know it is mildly impossible to wrestle 30 minutes, to watch Oprah, when you live with three young men in the house and it is near hockey play-offs and you like, live in Canada where people are born with Bauers on their feet. So I hate to complain but I was a little jarred to tune in to that 21 minute TV oasis I happened to get, and saw the Blue Man. And he was nice. Don't get me wrong. It's just that...

Dr. Oz Should Wear Street Clothes

But Is He a Real Doctor?

Why Hospital Scrubs? Someone Get This Man a Suit. (or jeans.....)



I like Dr. Oz on a personal level. I respect him as a professional and moreover, he seems genuinely nice, he looks jaunty and is alway sporting a great attitude. He is not alpha male in an off-putting nor he is a fop (this is no metrosexual) nor a geek. Plus when he visits on O, he brings All This Information aka Stuff Middle Aged Women Should Know. Cogent, substantial stuff delivered in terms I understand. He has the Oprah 'ping' factor. What is that? It means - he knows what to say and how to say it (it is instinctive - not a ploy) to achieve what a great Oprah show wants to do. It has the Resonance factor. Ping! See? My eldest son says it is: the Oprah Show is all about making middle-aged women nod knowingly. When Dr. Oz is on, I do alot of that. I nod knowingly. Ah. Interesting. Good to know. Hmmm. (That sort of ping factor)

He is the male version of Christine Northrupt. But what I don't get how he appears on prime time TV wearing surgical scrubs.

I do appreciate he's a doctor. I just don't need him to wear doctor clothes on the Oprah Show to figure out he's medical. Honestly. As if talking about entrails, intestines and disease wouldn't be a clue in. I'm a chef and cookbook author. Trust me, when I am interviewed, I don't show up in an apron. Or chef's jacket.

Reminds me of cars in the 70's. Big Ford sedans with the word FORD, emblazoned on the side, like a racing car. You knew it was a Ford. Appearing in doctor clothes in a civilian capacity (talking to Oprah on a couch) strikes me as wearing a costume. Mind you, at a glance, if I didn't know this was Oz from Dorothy vs. Oz from medical stuff, I would realize instantly (given the gear) he is a physician. So dress up does serve a purpose. Context is so important.

Still.

Which brings me to this other issue. Dr. Oz has all this neat stuff to share.
He is a veritable wealth of information all distilled down into nuggets of facts.
He knows alot about alot which is to say, he lectures on Real Stuff to be Concerned About. He does chat about positive stuff like how marvellous our bodies are and how we are on auto-heal and all that but he also harps about what fat looks like. What smoking does. Why less sunlight leads some of us to depression or how unless you use too much silver nitrate and turn blue from the inside out, how silver nitrate is still used nowadays. So much information. All good. All worrisome. Well to me. I worry all the time anyway. Newspaper headlines remind me to be worry about Yet Other Stuff I forgot to factor in on my regular worry schedule. Dr. Oz, much like CNN who reports on war while running a ticker below the screen reporting on yet other war (or which celebrity is having twins or was caught shop lifting) reminds me that if I thought I was ok and more or less thriving, there is yet something else that Never Occured To Me that I should take note of. Give it some Official Worry Time.

He's reminds me of those dates I've had - really handsome guys, smart, congenial, charming...until they fixate on something like....did I go for all seasonal tires or real winter tires or did I think to put away a retirement fund or do I leave water running in the sink in the garage on below zero days. And just as I was having a nice time I am reminded there is something, somewhere, I could be/should be...doing or doing better or worrying about. If I just tended to it all, I could be perfect and live forever and have a spleen anyone would envy.

And I want to like these guys (just like Dr. Oz) but the secret handshake is pretending I am going to follow through on whatever cautions they are doling out. I agree in that lip service way but always secretly wish they would hush up. Or, conversely, were less handsome because it is like this nice package that has yucky contents and there's no way - ultimately ...you can ignore it. It all comes together. It's like candy you shouldn't eat because it looks like candy but goes down like flax seed.

But really - to stay on track - Dr. Oz needs to consider a day time wardrobe.
Street clothes. Put him on What Not To Wear. I imagine Clinton and Stacy rolling their eyes, going over his multi-colored scrubs wardrobe (like some women have but in a collection of 70's bib overalls) and then tossing the scrubs in that big silver trash can. Cut to: candid footage of Dr. Oz shopping at Costco wearing lilac scrubs. Dr. Oz Has A Make Over. He actually gets....shoes. Plus, and forgive me for saying this, no one should have to look at that much hairy arm, on a mature man, in this day and age. It's just an era wherein that much hair, on exposed male limbs, is rarely seen anymore. It's so yesterday...which is also sad because there was as time I thought that was a nice look in a guy because I am, essentially, so yesterday myself.

Cue to: nod knowingly.